Hi Everyone,
Welcome back to my blog it is a work in progress so bear with me while i continue to make this as perfect as i can!! I am not one to open up but i have released the past recently and i have accepted it and forgave everyone who ever abused me over the years! I am finally at peace! I am not going into detail to protect those involved just going to give ya an example what i went thru as i was a kid growing up! Why I am used to be so closed off to everyone close to me! Ya can't block the past forever the past always has a way of coming back to haunt us! I recently had to deal with mine i never went to high school reunions or anything like that till the all school reunion last year i had to go back to the place where the abuse happened! Took me a year to get the courage to speak about it! I told my spiritual family cause i didn't want to hurt anyone anymore when people got too close to me i pushed them away or self destructed! I hurt someone close to me and i will always regret that they know who they are and for that i am sorry! They helped me the most they taught me how to have and show emotion i never really knew what love was till these guys came into my life and my friendships are very important to me! They always will be! I'm a protector i don't like to be vunerable or let anyone see my weakness! I always tell people to open up but i am always the worst at that! I guess i should take my own advice hey? LOL
All my life I grew up with abuse mainly verbal abuse from both sets of grandparents, My father too! I hated him for many years! Just forgave him this past year! I am 46 now i swore i was gonna take this all to my grave!! Decided to do something about it and open up the more open i got the more at peace i got with everything!!!
It wasn't till the 7th grade where my life got turned upside down! I was sexually assulated and raped! It happened twice once it was stopped by a couple cousins of mine and that was the only person i really told till recently! My immediate doesn't know or my cousins! My closest friends know! It happened during class well not in class but in the building! It was an aweful feeling and i couldn't tell anyone cause they threatened me if i did that is when my cousin found out and came to my rescue! The event was never brought up again! When your in the 7th grade ya don't know any better so hell yeah i was scared shitless and felt violated etc!!! I learned to block it out thru music laid in my room for hours with the head phones on that is how i learned to block out emotional abuse as well! It wasn't easy! I was a heavy drinker and smoker yes i tried drugs too they did nothing for me lol! Even got a tattoo hung around a tough crowd and drawn to controlling type people for some reason! I did have fun too! I wouldn't change a thing! LOL
It wasn't till my uncle died who i now my guardian angel that was the turning point in my life and i turned spiritual after that!! I grew up with a series of major health problems yes a lot were caused by the emotional toll i been under over the years! Music really helped guided me thru life! Shania Twain, The Dixie Chicks, the list goes on! Music is a great tool to keep the emotions in tact!!
I am an Empath so the abuse really took a toll on me! It killed my self esteem the most i was always told i wouldn't amount to anything etc they basically killed every dream i ever had! My dreams were hidden and now I am at the stage to where I am strong enough to make them happen! For years I always did what others wanted me to it wasn't till i got extremely sick with anemia and other health problems was when i took control of my own life! I am just sorry i waited so long to do this! I don't like to hurt anyone or disappoint others either! I love helping others and help them reach their goals but who is gonna help you no one! Ya gotta take care of yourself cause no one else will!
Right now I am finally Emotionally free of the past and will never let my past control me or my future again! If my story can help 1 person i will be happy! Never be afraid to speak out! If there is something you don't understand ask! We never had computers growing up so i couldn't google it lol and i just learned a few years ago that I was Empath! It was pure hell growing up with that and not knowing what it was! Now i learned to control that it can be a wonderful feeling too! I'll blog more on Empath next time!
One word of advice keeping things bottled up for a long period of time can result in health and other emotional problems don't let a simple misunderstanding ruin what could be a beautiful friendship! Friendships and Family are very important thru your Journey! Everyone needs support and help now and then just don't be afraid to ask for it!!
Hope you all have a wonderful day and thanks for reading my Blog!!
Love and Light,
Cheryl-Aka Comet
